


it's always colder on your own

by kunimiakiras



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, I suck at tagging, Kinda, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Musician!Semi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-13
Updated: 2020-03-13
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:35:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23124094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kunimiakiras/pseuds/kunimiakiras
Summary: It’s not hard to notice the difference. It dwells in his mind constantly, the fact that his bed has been colder, lonelier. Kenjirou can’t stopthinkingabout it; the lack of weight on his bed when there’s only him around to lay down on it and the lack of extra weight on his body, because there’s no arm wrapped around him. There’s no one tugging him close, no one pressing kisses to his forehead, no one engulfing him in the warmth of their body.And It’s bad. It’s so bad to have to rely on someone like this — to need someone with him just to feel happy and content, and be able to rest properly at night. He knows it’s not good for him. His sleep schedule is a mess. He’s not getting nearly enough hours of sleep as he should be and he’s having trouble focusing in his lectures throughout the day because of it. He hasn’t been at one hundred percent in ages, but with these new developments in his life (him relocating across the country for his schooling, of all things, because he just couldn't let himself miss the opportunity he was given), he thinks it just can't be helped. He needs time to adjust, sure, but it's hard.Kenjirou’s found that he just can’t sleep without Semi by his side.
Relationships: Semi Eita/Shirabu Kenjirou
Comments: 10
Kudos: 112
Collections: Haikyuu Valentines





	it's always colder on your own

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Luce as part of the 2020 HQ Valentine's exchange.

Kenjirou is glaring harshly at the red numbers on his digital alarm clock. It reads 03:45 and Kenjirou hates it. It’s just flashing at him mockingly like it knows that he was supposed to be asleep hours ago, like it knows that he’s struggling and on the verge of falling asleep yet nothing is tipping him over the edge. He might just break the damn clock.

“God,” he mutters, reaching out and turning the clock so it’s facing the wall. He rubs his palm down his face, gaze flickering out towards his desk. He’s got a few of his notebooks and pencils sprawled across it from his earlier attempt of revising them, but that idea had been quickly scrapped when he realized he couldn’t focus enough to do it properly. That’s been happening a lot lately, his lack of focus. It’s driving him crazy. He’s not doing so well in class.

Any other day, he supposes he’d be more worried about that. He shouldn’t fall behind. The risk of skipping a few lectures and missing important information that he’ll need to know for an exam isn’t worth it at all, and somewhere in the back of his mind, he knows that well. It’s competitive. He has to maintain a high average if he wants to succeed, has to if he wants to keep the scholarship he’s been granted to even be here in the first place, but he just can’t find it in himself to care so much at the moment. 

Kenjirou is exhausted, mentally and physically. It’s worse than it was when he studied his ass off to make it into Shiratorizawa with the entrance exam. His eyelids feel so heavy.

He really can’t handle one more second of trying to make sense of the words in his textbook, so instead, he thinks he’ll just sit here and try to rest his eyes for a bit. He needs it. He _deserves_ it, so the world should give it to him. He shoves all his books and stationary aside to free up space. Some of them tumble off and fall to the floor, though he pays them no mind. He’s going to regret the mess he’s made, but that’s a problem for future Kenjirou. Preferably one that’s more well rested than the current one. He folds his arms over top of the desk and rests his head on them, finally letting his eyes close.

Kenjirou jolts awake when his phone rings on his desk all of a sudden; nearly falls out of his chair. Why the hell was it so loud? He curses under his breath, because he was _so close_ to actually falling asleep for once and now that his phone has scared him half to death, he doesn’t think he’ll be able to just ignore it and attempt to sleep again. His heart is racing.

Blinking slowly, he lets out a frustrated groan as he reaches blindly in the dark for his phone. He picks up the call without looking at the name flashing on his screen (the brightness of it might just hurt his eyes in this nearly pitch black room, especially when they’re still adjusting to being awake again), bringing the phone up to his ear.

“Hello?” He mumbles out quietly, barely stifling a yawn as he does so.

"Kenjirou," when he hears the breathy voice through the speakers of his phone, he snaps to attention, sitting up straight in his chair. Suddenly he's wide awake and his heart is beating quickly for a completely different reason. "Sorry, did I wake you?"

“No,” Kenjirou responds immediately, and then he pauses as he thinks about whether or not he should tell the truth. He can’t lie to Semi, though. He’s never been able to. “Well, I mean— kinda.”

“Shit. Fuck, sorry. I should’ve texted you first, but I... I missed your voice.” Semi’s voice is soft, so soft through his speakers, the same way it gets when he’s dropping him off at home after a date or when he’s in the kitchen and has just caught sight of Kenjirou waking up in the morning. It’s so genuine, too. He knows that Semi is still trying to get used to being affectionate with him (sometimes he’s too used to the banter they had back in high school, where they irritated each other to no end), but the pure honesty in his voice at this moment proves he’s not as bad at it as he thinks he is. 

Shit, Kenjirou misses that so much. All of it. _Him._

Fuck.

If he starts crying, he’ll blame it on being sleep deprived. Swallowing down the lump in his throat, he rubs at his eyes with the palm of his free hand and opens his mouth to respond. “I miss _you—_ “ he chokes on his words the slightest bit, “your voice, too.”

He doesn’t have the energy to be flustered over such a rare soft moment, nor does he have the energy to even make fun of Semi like he usually would, and he’s sure Semi can hear it in his voice as well.

“I know.” He says, and if Kenjirou were anymore awake, maybe that reply would’ve annoyed him a little bit. It sounds like it could be cocky. Which is completely like Semi. “I’m sorry I haven’t had the time to talk to you like this lately.”

The apology causes Kenjirou’s heart to clench a little in his chest. The fact that they haven’t talked is definitely a factor as to why he can’t sleep at night. He knows it’s not exactly Semi’s fault. He knows that Semi tries his best to keep in touch every chance he gets in between touring and concerts and band interviews, but that doesn’t make him miss him any less. Doesn’t make him any less sad when he goes days without their regular phone calls.

Taking into account the differences in timezones and Kenjirou’s own life as a student, understandably, there will always be times where their schedules don’t line up nicely. The past couple of weeks have been one of those times, and it really sucks. 

This long distance thing is harder than he would’ve expected. Though he supposes it makes sense that it’d be hard on both of them, since this is the first time they’ve ever really been away from each other for so long.

With a heavy breath, Kenjirou stands up from his desk and carefully makes his way towards his bed in the dark. “It’s okay,” he mumbles as he settles against the headboard, back pressed against wood. He doesn’t know what it’s been like for Semi, but he’s sure he must be feeling the same way.

Kenjirou hears a bit of shuffling on the other line before Semi responds again. “The.. first leg of the tour is ending soon,” he begins, as if Kenjirou isn’t already aware of that fact. Kenjirou has kept up with his band every step of the way so far. “Which means, hopefully, I might be able to come visit you soon.”

It’s a sentence that should make him happy, really. It should make him feel excited knowing that there’s potential for him to see Semi in person again in the near future. He’s not sure what it is, maybe his bad mood and his current state of mind is just making everything worse, but what should’ve made him happy is only making him feel bad.

Semi wouldn’t have to go through the trouble of making time for him if Kenjirou had just gone with him in the first place. They could’ve avoided all of this - the distance, Kenjirou being unable to sleep, the time difference, the lack of interactions. When Semi started this whole band thing, he always made it clear that Kenjirou was always welcome to come along if they ever went on tour, and yet, when Semi revealed that they had a tour, Kenjirou just _had_ to choose to go to school instead. It was awful timing really, the news of his scholarship grant and the news of Semi’s tour.

Sleep deprived Kenjirou still isn’t so sure he made the right choice. (Future Kenjirou will probably thank him, though.)

He sighs heavily, throwing his blanket over his legs. “You know... sometimes I feel like I shouldn’t have taken the offer. I just, I think I—“

“Hey.” Semi says the word sharply, effectively cutting him off and cutting into his heart. Kenjirou is startled by how stern it sounds. “Don’t you dare say that, you _know_ you wouldn’t be happy if you turned it down.”

Kenjirou scoffs. “You don’t know that.” 

“I do know that. No one is worth you throwing away your future, no matter what.”

Kenjirou frowns as he picks at the loose threads his hand finds in his blanket. His voice is quieter when he replies again, “what if I think you’re worth it?”

He can hear the breath that Semi inhales, and he can already predict what he’s going to say, because this isn’t the first time they’ve had a conversation about this topic. Anytime Kenjirou’s feeling homesick, anytime he has a mental breakdown, anytime he’s feeling overwhelmingly stressed out - he’s right there on the phone with Semi, talking about how he wants to go home. How he should’ve gone with Semi on tour. Something about it makes him feel like a little kid, whining to their parent about wanting to go home after being dragged along to clothing stores all day. And in a way, maybe he is that kid. But Kenjirou’s never dealt with change well — he knows it, Semi knows it. He’s just glad that Semi has been patient with him throughout all of those times.

“Kenjirou. I love you, you know? Like, I love you so much. Too much, to ever let myself hold you back from something that’ll help you and your career in the future because you deserve the best life you could possibly have.”

A strangled noise escapes Kenjirou’s mouth as he squeezes his eyes shut, clenching his phone tighter in his hand the moment Semi’s words process in his mind. It’s so _sweet_ and _honest_ and Kenjirou doesn’t know how to deal with all these emotions he’s feeling all at once. He’s not used to such sincerity from Semi.

“ _Eita,_ shut _up,_ ” he chokes out for lack of a better response. Oh, god, he’s really going to cry tonight, isn’t he? He certainly is if Semi keeps on talking like that. He can already feel the tears starting to prick at the corners of his eyes.

“I mean it, Kenjirou.”

“Okay. _Okay,_ I get it, shut up.” Kenjirou mumbles, voice breaking a little in the middle of his reply.

Semi makes a small, questioning sound. “Are you.. crying?” He sounds a little panicked, like he hadn’t expected his own words to make Kenjirou feel so emotional.

“No,” he lies.

“I didn’t mean to make you cry—“

“I’m not _crying._ ” Kenjirou says, even as he lifts his hand to wipe at his eyes.

There’s a bit of silence on the other line, and Kenjirou knows that it’s because Semi’s awful at comforting someone when they’re crying. He’s witnessed it firsthand. He’s most likely even more clueless about what to do now considering the fact that they’re thousands of miles apart. He can’t hug Kenjirou, can’t rub his back or play with his hair.

“...Hey,” Semi says, “let me tell you about some dumb shit one of my bandmates did the other day, okay?”

Kenjirou nods before realizing Semi can’t see him. “Okay.” 

He’s grateful for the change in topic. It’s probably the best way to comfort him at this point; the distraction is very much needed. He settles down onto his bed, and with one hand, he pulls the blanket up to his chin and keeps his phone pressed to his ear with the other one.

Once he’s stopped moving around, Semi begins his story, and already, Kenjirou is feeling better. Semi’s voice is soothing, it always has been, and Kenjirou loves the way he has to break off in the middle of sentences to let out breathy laughter because he can’t help but recall the humour in his retelling of the story. Kenjirou hangs onto the fact that he can practically hear Semi’s smile in the words that come out of his mouth and the way he changes his tone of voice to imitate the different voices of his bandmates when he recites any of their sentences word for word, and, for the first time in a long time, Kenjirou finds himself falling asleep to the sound of Semi's voice.


End file.
